One Million Steps to Greatness
part 1

(1) Wake up. (2) Hit snooze. (3) Wake up. (4) Hit snooze. (5) Wake up. (5a) Listen to NPR. (5b) Find out traffic is jammed on the Blue Route. (5c) Find out Chinese Women’s Gymnastic Team is made up of 12 year-olds. (6) Hit Snooze. (7) Wake up. (8) Think about coffee. (9) Get out of bed. (10) Take apart stove-top percolator. (11) Clean out whatever is growing in bottom chamber of stove-top percolator. (11a) Think about what that stuff could be. (12) Fill machine with water. (13) Realize there is no more coffee. (14) Punch refrigerator. (15) Fill large coffee cup with water. (15a) Look for tea. (16) Put tea bag in cup. (17) Microwave for 00:02:34. (18) Open Microwave. (19) Drink tea. (20) Burn mouth. (21) Put down cup. (22) Turn on TV. (23) Eat cereal. (24) Drink tea. (25) Carry bicycle outside. (26) Check tires. (27) Ride bicycle to town. (28) Get cut off by Ford Excursion. (29) Continue riding bicycle up to red light. (30) Slap hood of Ford Excursion as you ride by on bicycle. (31) Listen to Ford Excursion driver yell obscenities. (32) Continue riding bicycle. (33) Look back to see Ford Excursion stuck in traffic. (34) Ride bicycle up on sidewalk. (35) Dismount. (35a) Lock up bicycle. (35b) Take off helmet. (36) Push “up” button. (37) Get in elevator. (38) Say hello to receptionist. (39) Sit in chair. (40) Say hello to copy editor. (41) Say hello to photographer. (42) Take off sneakers. (42a) Put on loafers. (43) Unroll pants. (44) Say hello to production manager. (45) Turn on computer. (45a) Click “check for updates”. (46) Work on advertisement. (47) Reduce point size of body copy. (48) Increase logo size by 54%, as requested by client. (49) Make fun of client with copy editor. (49a) Laugh. (49b) Listen to copy editor laugh. (50) Log billable hours.

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