Archive for September, 2008

One Million Steps to Greatness part 3

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

(79) Don’t pay attention to stop lights as you run back to the office. (80) Step out in front of a man driving an electric scooter the wrong way on 18th Street. (81) Allow the man to run over your foot. (81a) Sit down in a chair reserved for al fresco dining. (81a) Remove shoe. (81b) Remove sock. (81c) Make sure your foot is not broken. (82) Realize your foot is broken. (83) Call the hospital on your cell phone. (84) Ask how much it costs to take an ambulance to the hospital. (85) Put shoe back on. (85a) Stand up. (86) Limp out to curb. (87) Hail a cab. (88) Tell driver to take you to the hospital.  (89) Get out of car. (90) Listen to the driver yell at you in an unfamiliar dialect. (91) Realize you did not pay him. (92) Pay the asshole. (93) Limp into hospital. (94) Follow signs to Emergency Room. (94a) Get sick of waiting. (94b) Leave emergency room. (94c) Follow signs to Foot Doctor. (95) Push “up” button. (96) Get in elevator. (97) Push “5” button. (98) Move over to allow space for others in elevator. (99) Scream obscenities at the woman standing on your foot. (100) Get out of elevator. (101) Find a garbage can. (101a) Remove shoe while balancing against the wall. (101b) Dump blood out of shoe into garbage can. (101c) Put on shoe. (102) Answer cell phone. (103) Tell production manager you won’t be coming to the meeting because you have a broken foot. (104) Wipe blood off cell phone. (105) Put phone in pocket. (106) Get foot fixed. (107) Listen to the doctors joke about your injury in the next room. (108) Think about what their heads would look like in an aquarium full of embalming fluid on you desk. (109) Laugh. (110) Take a cab back to the office. (111) Tell copy editor where you have been for the last five hours. (112) Restart computer. (113) Check e-mail.